Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
