I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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