Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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