i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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