someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize