i need an iv and a liver transplant
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
