I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you mean i was at the winter classic?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
