those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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