I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
