Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
