If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
