ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
