so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
