my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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