yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
