Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
