TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
