I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
