How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize