I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
