She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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