Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Girls should come with a carfax report
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
