Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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