Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
