just come out here and I will go home with you...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
