The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
