Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
