It's like God shit irony all over that family
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize