Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
