I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
