i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
love makes seman taste better
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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