my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
