Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
