You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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