The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
