Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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