She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
