is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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