I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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