My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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