Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize