chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
