are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
