At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
