Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
