good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
