hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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