I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
