i think my mom watched the whole time
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
