look no pants
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
