she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
