as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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