how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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