dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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