Ambien. No doubt about it.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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