And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
