y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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