I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
