I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
this just has baby written all over it
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
