just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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