i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
