Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
