Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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