So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
