You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
