you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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