it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
