found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I am available for nakedness
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
