the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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