It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
