You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
