you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
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