Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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