im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize