I wish I only lived at night.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
