Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
