Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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