hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
