I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
