No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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