My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
