On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
