Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
