I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
