Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
