This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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