Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
