Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
