next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
