Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
