just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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