If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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