remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We left the knife in your bed.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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