you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I didn't notice because vodka
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize