My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
