my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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