Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
