I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
