dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
