So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
