Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize