She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
