The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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