My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize