My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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