do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
