i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
