forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
